Going Through the Motions

Yes, we are going through the motions taking each day as it comes. This place Ray & I find ourselves in now still seems so unreal. So many folks comment on how looking at & spending time with Ray, they'd never know anything was even wrong with him. And it's true. He looks great & feels fine. Truly, if it wasn't for the repeated blood work & bone marrow biopsy's, we'd never know he has MDS (Myelodysplastic Syndrome).

One may ask & some have; why would Ray choose to even have the stem cell transplant & put himself through it. After all, as I said he looks & feels fine, so why ask for something that you know will cause you to feel tremendously ill  plus potentially put you at risk of many other things happening as a result of the transplant?  Basically the only cure for MDS is to have a stem-cell transplant.  When Ray asked his doctor what would happen if he chose not to have the transplant, he basically said that it would eventually develop into full blown leukemia & he would "die" much sooner! The choice to have the transplant was totally Rays. He knew that I would support him no matter what choice he made. But it was a choice that I could not & would not make for him. Some of you that know me really well, may find that funny. Enough said!

Me being the inquisitive one & always thirsting for knowledge & understanding of what we're facing, I have already read so much on the subject. I feel that we must be prepared for what may lie ahead. Sometimes I think that maybe that's not really the best thing because it scares me deeply. Reading so much about others who have gone through this journey, I've learned of many success stories with happy endings. I have also read some stories of not so good results. But gosh, isn't that true of most things. Ray is going to be one of the SUCCESS stories!

I realize that, yes, I definitely have control issues but don't we all to an extent?  We, as  human beings, need to have control of some things in our lives... and realistically, the only thing we can control is ourselves. And right now that's just what I'm trying to do in a positive way by trying to hold onto only positive thoughts. But I gotta tell you, it ain't always easy.

"One Day at a Time"
That song floats through my thoughts a lot these days. And really that's all a person can do. I know that I must try to always channel my thoughts to the positive things & actually Ray helps me do that because he is always positive! He never shows that he's scared & hopefully he's not. I'm scared enough for the both of us, but again I ask you, who wouldn't be?

I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time. 
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time... 

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